"So much goldy! That's what you get for robbing a bank - loot and no consequences. I don't regret this one bit!" - GoLD MasTAH after committing a crime. Maybe this is why people thought she was evil.

GoLD MasTAH is the primary villain of the oneshot Jonah Gordonson comic, Jonah Gordonson: Agent of the UNWD.

Character Edit

Appearance Edit

She has a positively villainous appearance. She is seemingly quite strongly built and broad. She has blonde hair and fairly pasty, claylike skin. In most scenes, she is shown to have unfilled circular eyes as opposed to the usual dots, suggesting that she may be partially or slightly blind, or of pandimensional descent (!).


Current situation.

She wears a blue shirt with brown stripes on the elbows, the forearms of the sleeves being green. The front of her shirt is red. She has a grey fur capelet, clasped by an upside-down horseshoe brooch. She wears green trousers with red turn-ups and brown shoes. She also has a gold belt, a gold pound-sign necklace, a signature gold crown, and, apparently, a layer of non-conductive armour.

Personality Edit

GoLD MasTAH is shown to be rather selfless and considerate, with some genuinely pure motives. However, she displays very poor execution of her plans, and although her heart was in the right place, her head definitely wasn't. This suggests that she may be headstrong, allowing her plans to run away with her without consideration of how the public would take it.

It is shown, however, that she strongly desired to be legal, and to never have to rob a bank again. Despite what it may seem, she is fairly morally upright, although somewhat short-tempered, wanting to 'fight someone and win' after Jonah provoked her.

Skills and Abilities Edit

GoLD MasTAH is a decent hand-to-hand fighter, finding enjoyment in showing off her superior strength. She can toss someone across the room, not because of superpowers but because sf gains.

History Edit

Although little is known of her backstory, it is suggested that something ignited a strong desire within her, a desire to bring world poverty to an end. She also lost most of her teeth, somehow, giving her a villainous, gap-toothed smile.

She created a laser cannon, poorly named the GoLD-Makah Lazah, to turn normal objects into gold, stealing millions in gold to perfect it. However, the questionability of her motives and how she acted upon them led to her foiling; Jonah Gordonson overpowered the GoLD-Makah Lazah using a taser, then escaped through a window too narrow for the heavily-armoured GoLD MasTAH to fit through. Caught in the blast, she was turned to solid, immobile gold.

As of current knowledge at the end of the episode, she is still in her statue form, standing in the lobby of Platinum Vaults bank. Signs show she is conscious within her aureate prison, trapped, barely able to move, unable to speak. The walls of the place that once feared her now taunt her. Every day she watches people come and go as they please, depositing the gold they don't deserve, just like how she never deserved this fate, just like how Gordonson, the spanner in her works, never deserved to escape with only a gold toe. Her intentions were pure, she only wanted to help, but now is forced to watch the wealthy grow wealthier, watch greed envelop the place like a great, bubbling cancer, swelling and slithering its way across the vaults like a horrid, fat slug.

It's enough to drive someone a little...


Trivia Edit

  • She is an able fighter, and can hold her own in hand-to-hand combat
  • She associates with the Cobra family, having had a 'teeny bit of help' from one Sylvester Cobra
  • Her last words before goldification were 'You bad guy!', directed towards Jonah Gordonson
  • Predictably, her first words upon ungoldification may be a rather murderous 'Where's Jonah Gordonson?'